


Three Months

by xxenjoy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Anal Sex, Bottom!Cas, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Castiel, Pining, Porn with a little bit of Plot, top!dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-11 10:30:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3324227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxenjoy/pseuds/xxenjoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel knows he shouldn't mope. He knows he's being childish and refusing to face what is more or less staring him straight in the face. Gabriel and Anna both warned him that college would be different than high school, that sometimes even the best of friends drift apart because of distance or relationships or any other of a hundred different reasons. Castiel didn't believe them, and after an entire year of Skype conversations and email messages, he was walking around in a smug little cloud of I-told-you-so. Right up until the day Dean stopped messaging.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Months

**Author's Note:**

> All I've been working on lately is getting some of this old stuff finished/rewritten, and apparently I went through a major top!Dean period, so there's a lot of that.

Castiel knows he shouldn't mope. He knows he's being childish and refusing to face what is more or less staring him straight in the face. Gabriel and Anna both warned him that college would be different than high school, that sometimes even the best of friends drift apart because of distance or relationships or any other of a hundred different reasons. Castiel didn't believe them, and after an entire year of Skype conversations and email messages, he was walking around in a smug little cloud of I-told-you-so. Right up until the day Dean stopped messaging.

It's been almost three months to the day now since he received the email: _got a big project coming up soon, dunno when I'll be able to talk_. He doesn't know what would make Dean just stop talking all together, but he hopes it's a girl. It's sad, actually, that he hopes Dean's forgotten him because he's getting laid, but the alternative is that he's found out how Castiel feels and he's disgusted by it. Unfortunately, that's the theory that worms its way into his head at night, or when he's supposed to be focusing on his school work. He's even forgone going home over the break because the thought of seeing Dean turns his stomach.

Castiel has carefully avoided the topic of his sexuality for years. Dean's father was, to be frank, disgustingly homophobic, and though his younger brother Sam always cringed at their father's comments, Castiel suspected Dean was more like John. He was never outright rude about it like his father, but he squirmed uncomfortably at the mention of anything the slightest bit 'gay', so Castiel kept quiet about the fact that he was _very_ gay and never mentioned to Dean that he was maybe just a tiny bit in love with him.

A crack of thunder snaps his focus back into the room. It's dark, almost completely black since the power went out over an hour ago. There's a lone candle burning on the coffee table and it serves to remind Castiel that he is alone. He shouldn't be, Charlie should be living with him but she backed out at the last minute and now Castiel has a big empty house to himself that only feels bigger and emptier in the darkness. He doesn't even have a pet to keep him company, so he mopes.

For a long time, Castiel just sits on the couch, staring blankly at the dark TV. He's bored, restless, but he has no motivation to do anything tonight, especially since the power went out and he's left with dim candle light. Eventually though, the silence becomes too much and he hauls himself up to retrieve his laptop and season five of Lost from the bedroom. He sets it up on the coffee table and settles back into the corner of the couch, trying to remember what episode he left off on. It's been ages, and he tries not to think about the last time he watched it, curled up in his bed and pleasantly drunk with Skype open in the background so he and Dean could discuss the episodes as they watched them. 

_Damn_ , Castiel sighs. He's supposed to be getting over this, not making it worse and wallowing like a thirteen year old with his first unrequited crush. It's been three months, and it's not as though they were ever _together_ , there's not really anything to get over. Two and a half episodes in, he realizes just how pathetic he's being and flips the computer shut, stalking grumpily into the kitchen to find something to eat. 

There's nothing to eat. Nothing that's not warm when it shouldn't be, anyway. With the power out, the fridge is at room temperature and Castiel groans when he realizes he's probably going to have to throw out most of what's in it once the power comes back. He grabs a can of almost-cold beer and a box of crackers from the cupboard and he's just about to sit down when there's a knock on the door. It doesn't come again immediately, so he assumes it was the thunder or something else storm related, and he drops back onto the couch. The second his back hits the cushion, the sound comes again and Castiel glances over at the door. Surely no one in their right mind is out in this weather. 

It isn't until the third knock that he sets his makeshift dinner aside and crosses to the front door. 

Whatever he was expecting to see, he is not prepared to find Dean standing there, soaked through to the skin looking more guilty than Castiel's ever seen him and like he's about to bolt if Castiel moves too quickly. Castiel gapes, heart hammering in his chest. He's apparently unable to force words out of his mouth, and so it's Dean who speaks first. 

"I love you," he says plainly, and although his words are steady, it's hard to tell if they're tears or raindrops running down his cheeks. Castiel gives a quick nod of confusion, eyes widening noticeably.

"It's been months," he says blandly, as if Dean didn't just blurt out a serious confession. 

"I'm sorry." 

His anger flares then, and he wants to slap Dean, or punch him. Probably both. 

"What the _hell_ , Dean?" Dean's eyes roll up and he's definitely crying now, but Castiel can't feel sorry for him. He's pissed, and his eyes are burning with the fury, because _three fucking months_ and he comes back now?

"I know. God, I _know_ , and I'm so damn sorry. I never meant to, Cas. I meant to tell you- a thousand times I sat there and stared at the screen for hours, but I couldn't do it- I freaked out. I was too afraid to lose you." 

"So you just stopped talking altogether? How is that any better?" He's struggling to keep his voice calm now.

"I was afraid, I was in love with my best friend. My best friend who's a fucking _guy_. I didn't know _what_ to do!" His voice breaks and Castiel hates his own body because suddenly he's lurching forward without meaning to, grabbing Dean's face and kissing him hard. Then Dean is kissing him back, putting his whole body into it as their hips bump gently, and Castiel lets him fall into Dean, into everything that he's wanted for so goddamn long. 

Raindrops splash against his fingers and he realizes suddenly that they're still standing in the doorway. Dean's arms are around his neck and they're both soaked when Castiel pulls away. 

"We should talk," he breathes. 

"Yeah, um- can I?" Dean gestures inside and Castiel jerks out of the way to let him in. 

Castiel shuts the door behind them and leaves Dean in the living room to find both of them dry clothes to wear. In his closet, he pauses, leaning against the door frame to let things sink in. He just kissed Dean. Dean fucking Winchester. And Dean kissed him back. It feels like one of the dreams that Castiel's all too familiar with, and he's almost afraid to leave the bedroom just in case it is. 

He pushes himself to grab a second pair of lounge pants and the grey AC/DC shirt that he definitely didn't steal from Dean last time he was visiting, and walks back into the living room. Dean looks up from where he's eyeing the beer and crackers and his forced smile falls as he meets Castiel halfway and takes the offered change of clothes. Castiel doesn't realize he's clenching his jaw until Dean reaches a hand out, just barely tracing the tense lines of his face, and Castiel relaxes suddenly because yes, this is real. Dean is real, and even though they have a hell of a lot to talk about, maybe they have a chance to fix this mess. He snorts in disbelief and Dean actually smiles at him. 

"You planning on staying in those clothes all night?" he asks, and Castiel glances down at himself, his entire front still soaked. No one would blame him, he thinks, for forgetting something so simple when his whole evening has just been turned upside down. 

He changes in the living room after pointing Dean toward the bathroom. Dean doesn't say anything about the AC/DC shirt, but when he comes back in, he's smiling a little brighter. Both mostly dry, they take seats on opposite sides of the couch and Dean gladly accepts the beer - and apology for its warmth - that Castiel offers him. He declines the offer of crackers with a huff of a laugh. 

It's good, Castiel thinks, that Dean seems to be happy, because he personally has no idea how to feel at the moment. He wonders how long Dean's been holding on to this, despite the fact this his brain still doesn't want to let him believe it, and realizes that's probably the reason for his sudden good mood. Letting go of a secret like that after any amount of time must feel like the world has been lifted from your shoulders. 

They sit in silence for a few minutes as Castiel contemplates this, and it's he who speaks first.

"Does your father know?" It's the least of a hundred questions that he wants to ask, but it's safe. He doesn't want to jump in too soon. He's been in love with Dean for longer than he can remember, and he's been the most important person in Castiel's life for longer than that. He wants to ease into this, he's not going to rush in and fuck something up and end up losing Dean forever. He's anxious like he hasn't been around Dean in _years _, and despite the intensity of Dean's kiss, there are still lingering doubts in his mind.__

__Dean huffs and runs a hand through his hair, obviously much more at ease than Castiel. "No," he says simply, "no, Dad doesn't know."_ _

__Castiel nods and manages to make eye contact for a brief moment before glancing away, "how long?"_ _

__"Always, I think," Dean answers easily, "but if you mean when did I realize, uh, after you moved away. I always knew that I was nothing without you. From the first day I met you, I knew that we'd always be together, but it wasn't until you were gone that I figured out what that meant." Dean's fingers flex anxiously at his side and Castiel wants so badly to reach out and twine his own with them, but he refrains._ _

__"Continue," he says instead, wrapping both hands around the can of beer._ _

__"I've never felt so goddamn alone in my whole life, I could still talk to you, yeah, but you weren't _there ___. You weren't right beside me where you'd always been, and that first time we Skyped after your exams? I saw your stupid beautiful face and I wanted to kiss you. It was the most terrifying thought I'd ever had, but it also felt right, y'know? After that I panicked, sent you that email..." he trails off with a shrug, and Castiel tries to hide his blush when Dean looks up at him, because he is not _beautiful_._ _

___"Why did you come?" he asks, and Dean full on laughs._ _ _

___"I wasn't going to because I'm a goddamn chickenshit, but Lisa found out - probably through Sam, the little bitch - and used her best Mom voice on me. Told me to man up and stop being a coward because you deserved more than that. I barely had a chance to think before I was on my way out here."_ _ _

___"You drove from Kansas to North Carolina just because Lisa Braeden used her Mom voice on you?"_ _ _

___"I was hoping there'd be more than that waiting for me, when I got here." Dean doesn't meet his eyes when he says this, and Castiel looks away, willing his heart to stop thudding against his chest. It's a few minutes before Dean says anything else, and even then, Castiel barely catches it._ _ _

___"Hm?" he asks._ _ _

___"I said what about you?"_ _ _

___"What _about_ me?"_ _ _

___" _You_ kissed _me_ , Cas."_ _ _

___"Oh... right. A long time, middle school maybe."_ _ _

___"You never said anything either, then."_ _ _

___"No," he admits, disliking the note of judgment in Dean's tone, "but I was afraid you might react like your father would. I had no reason to think otherwise."_ _ _

___"Fuck," Dean mumbles, "I'm sorry Cas, I never thought-"_ _ _

___"Don't, Dean. It wasn't your place to think of things like that. You shouldn't have to plan ahead just in case your best friend falls in love with you." It's the first time he's actually said it, and Dean's expression is entirely unreadable. Castiel pauses, taking a deep breath, "this is..."_ _ _

___"Awkward," Dean finishes._ _ _

___Castiel grins sheepishly, "do you want to watch something?" Dean's gaze flicks to the TV in the corner of the room and then back to him, questioning. "I was using the laptop," Castiel explains._ _ _

___"You're still watching Lost?"_ _ _

___"Not until tonight, coincidentally. Um, we could watch where we left off?" It's an apology of sorts, for losing his patience with Dean, but it's also his way of accepting Dean's apology. Dean seems to realize this, because he smiles._ _ _

___"You still remember where we left off?"_ _ _

___"The Incident. Part one," Castiel states casually. When Dean cocks and eyebrow at him, he shrugs, breaking eye contact as he sets up the DVD. Castiel leans back as the episode starts and realizes Dean is still watching him. "What, you asked."_ _ _

___"You remember which episode of Lost we were watching three months ago, but you don't know what you realized you had feelings for me?"_ _ _

___Castiel takes a deep breath as the laptop plays through the new releases and _coming to theatres_ section. He leans back against the couch cushions, gaze focused on his knees. "New Year's Eve, six years ago. We were at Ruby's, I was only allowed to go because you were going too. There was a guy-"_ _ _

___"Balthazar. I had to practically pull him off you."_ _ _

___"And you walked me home when I was too afraid to call Michael and tell him what happened. You didn't care that you had to leave Lisa behind, you just dropped everything and came with me like I was the obvious choice."_ _ _

___"You were. Even then."_ _ _

___Silence falls between them and Dean stretches an arm out to him, "c'mere." Castiel considers for a moment, then shifts close enough for Dean to tug him down against his chest. He lets him, leaning back into the warmth of Dean's chest. They're ten minutes into the episode now, and neither of them are really paying attention._ _ _

___It takes a little while for Castiel to relax. He's still sure at any moment he's going to wake up and realize he's drunk himself into a stupor and dreamt Dean showing up. The only thing that keeps him grounded, forces him to realize that Dean _is_ real, is the warm press of lips on the back of his neck, the solid weight of Dean's arm around his waist. His other hand is sliding up and down Castiel's leg leaving a trail of heat and completely diverting Castiel's attention. _ _ _

___"I have no idea what's going on," Dean chuckles, pressing his nose into Castiel's hair and sliding his hand over his knee._ _ _

___"Neither do I," Castiel smiles to himself. He drops his head back against Dean's shoulder, still anxious that the slightest wrong move will send Dean hightailing it home. He wants more than this, he wants to know that Dean will stay, that he's not going to vanish out of his life again. "We could start over," he suggests, "from the beginning."_ _ _

___"Appropriate," Dean agrees, "but tomorrow, hm?" His lips slide against Castiel's neck and his hand smoothes up the inside of his thigh. Castiel lets his eyes fall shut and seconds later lips are pressing against his, clumsy due to the awkward angle, but soft and light, giving Castiel the option to pull away. He pushes closer, twisting slightly in Dean's lap so their mouths fit together properly. He parts his lips and Dean follows, deepening the kiss. When they break apart, he leans back and Dean kisses his neck again._ _ _

___"Tell me if this is too much," he breathes, but Castiel is already half-hard and he's wanted this for too damn long. Telling Dean to stop hadn't even crossed his mind. He probably should though, he thinks, even as he readjusts himself a little further down the couch. Dean's hand presses against his crotch, fingers gliding easily around the outline of his erection, and Castiel tilts his hips almost subconsciously to increase the friction._ _ _

___Three months. For three months he hasn't even spoken to Dean and still they fit together as they always have. Better even, because this sudden, drastic change in their relationship just feels _right_. There's nothing at all weird about the fact that Dean has a hand on his cock, that his other hand is sliding up his chest. It's perfect, so fucking good that he can't believe anything ever came between him and Dean in the past and he's hoping that this is it, that he can keep this. And still, he can't help thinking that he should stop this, that it's too soon. He turns between Dean's legs with a sigh, rolling onto his stomach so they're facing each other. _ _ _

___"What's up?" Dean asks._ _ _

___Castiel blows out a breath, "we should stop."_ _ _

___Dean cocks his head to one side and Castiel wants to kiss the stupid, confused expression off his face, but he doesn't. He waits._ _ _

___"Why?"_ _ _

___"Because you've only just..." he loses his train of thought as Dean's hands slide down, cupping his ass._ _ _

___"Only just what, Cas? Come out? Confessed? Because I really don't care about either of those things. I'll take you out into the middle of the road and shout to it the whole damn town if you want me to." Castiel huffs an embarrassed laugh and presses his cheek to Dean's chest. Dean lets him lie there for a minute, carding one hand though Castiel's hair, before he asks, "can I stay tonight?"_ _ _

___"Of course," Castiel chuckles at him. Dean's arms wrap around his waist, and he slides down as he pulls Castiel up, resting his head on the arm of the couch so that they're lying lengthways along the cushions. Dean kisses him slow and deep, letting his hands drift no further than halfway up his back before dipping down to his tailbone. Castiel brushes a hand through Dean's hair, wiggling up so their chests press together._ _ _

___"Then can we- I mean," Dean shrugs awkwardly, "the bedroom would be more comfortable." Castiel's heart is racing as he glances up at Dean, feels like it's stumbling over itself._ _ _

___"Yes," he replies, nearly breathless. Dean hauls him up and kisses him tenderly, belying the tight grip around his torso. "Mm," he mumbles against Dean's lips, breaking the kiss and arching away from him, "Dean," he chuckles, muffled as Dean pulls him back in with a smirk. "Dean, I need to get candles, I have no light in my bedroom."_ _ _

___Dean sighs, overly dramatic, and relents, lessening his hold on him, "can I help at all?"_ _ _

___"Not likely, unless you can see in the dark."_ _ _

___Dean smirks again and lets Castiel up. Castiel dips down to kiss his forehead before grabbing the candle from the coffee table to light his way into the kitchen. He digs the extra candles out of a drawer and collects enough bowls and plates to collect the wax._ _ _

___When he's finished, the room is fairly well lit, and he's only burnt himself twice. Dean slips up behind him, taking the candle from his hand and setting it on a plate on the dresser. He hums against his ear, pressing a kiss just behind it as his hands slide over his hips._ _ _

___"Nice candle holders, Cas."_ _ _

___"I had to improvise, I don't exactly use candles often."_ _ _

___"Maybe you should," Dean hums, hands sliding up his sides to lift his shirt, "come on, let's get to bed." Castiel starts toward the bed and then stops, turning to Dean without moving away from him._ _ _

___"I'm still mad at you," he says bluntly, and he can see the barely contained laughter in Dean's face._ _ _

___"Okay," Dean grins, "can you be mad at me in bed?"_ _ _

___Castiel silently curses himself for the grin that breaks through, but his brain shuts down as Dean's lips press against his again, and suddenly he's being walked backwards, confident hands on his hips to guide him. He doesn't pull away until his knees hit the mattress and he falls back onto the bed, tugging Dean down after him. Dean pulls the blankets up over their shoulders, and it's Castiel who closes the last few inches between them, drawing Dean closer. Dean goes easily, wrapping his arms around Castiel's back and pushing one hand into his hair._ _ _

___The candles cast shadows over Dean's face, and Castiel catalogues each flicker of light, noting the way they dance over Dean's cheekbones, highlighting the smattering of freckles before plunging them into darkness again. He reaches a hand up to run him thumb along the same line. Dean smiles faintly at him, and Castiel's hand winds up into Dean's hair, cradling the back of his head._ _ _

___He wants to believe everything Dean's told him, wants to think that this beautiful man - his best friend in the whole world - could really love him, but it's hard. Despite the warmth of Dean's legs tangled between his own, the heat of his breath against Castiel's cheeks, it feels like a dream; like he's going to wake up in the morning to a cold, dark room and realize he fell asleep watching Lost and imagined the whole night. He wants so much to be able to forget the past three months, to accept that Dean is here because he wants to be with him, that Dean's not going to run off again the second reality hits _him_._ _ _

___Dean shifts to move his arm, and Castiel can feel the hard line of his erection press into his hip. His eyes flash back up to meet Dean's, his breath catching in his chest as Dean pulls away._ _ _

___"Sorry," he mumbles softly, "'s been a while, and you're so..." Dean doesn't get to finish his sentence because Castiel's thumb presses down on his lower lip, sliding over it as he guides Dean's head down._ _ _

___Dean's mouth closes around his own, and any doubts Castiel had vanish as Dean rolls him onto his back, pushing his tongue into Castiel's mouth. Fingers brush through his hair, causing Castiel's eyelids to flutter, and with Dean's lips against his own, their tongues sliding together, he can't remember why he ever thought this wouldn't be the best thing ever._ _ _

___He slides his hands up over Dean's shoulders, tracing the hard line of muscle down to the dip in his back. Without thinking, he lets his hands venture over the curve of Dean's ass kneading the soft flesh through his borrowed sweatpants, before sliding back up to dip beneath the fabric. Dean groans before breaking the kiss._ _ _

___"Cas-" he gasps, as if he's struggling to comprehend Castiel's actions. "D'you- do you want this?"_ _ _

___"Are you going to leave?" he regrets the words as soon as they're out, but his mouth is acting on its own apparently._ _ _

___"What? No. Cas I-" Dean tilts back down, pressing a kiss to his cheek, "Cas I just got you, I'm not going anywhere. Unless you-"_ _ _

___"I don't want you to go anywhere," he breathes, honest affection permeating his words._ _ _

___"Good." Dean lets out a shaky, relieved breath, "because I don't think I could leave now if I tried."_ _ _

___Castiel smiles softly, stoking Dean's cheek with his thumb, "then yes, I want this."_ _ _

___Dean groans as he buries his face in Castiel's neck, leaving faint red marks behind as he kisses his way back to Castiel's mouth, "me too," he hums, experimentally rolling his hips down. Castiel's responding gasp is swallowed up as Dean fits their mouths together again, licking into his mouth with renewed vigor._ _ _

___Dean rocks against him, slotting their erections together to create a friction that almost overwhelms him. He breaks their kiss to drag his lips down Castiel's jaw, biting gently at the stubble-covered skin. His fingers are twitching around the hem of his shirt, and Castiel shifts backwards, ducking out of it so that Dean can drop it to the floor, shortly followed by his own._ _ _

___Castiel relishes the sensation of skin on skin, and he arches up to press closer, surprised when Dean sits up, pulling Castiel into his lap. He nips at his earlobe and kisses down the side of his neck. Most of the candlelight has faded, but Castiel can see the want in Dean's eyes, even in the dim light, and he rocks his hips forward. Dean moans and rolls up to meet him with a breathless " _Cas_."_ _ _

___It's a struggle to get their pants off because Dean refuses to stop kissing him even for a second. Castiel finds himself on his back, Dean's lips covering the entirety of his chest and stomach with soft kisses as he works Castiel's sweatpants and boxers down his thighs. The cold air bites at his skin, but then Dean's tossing his clothes aside, leaning back over him so that their erections slide together, and all other thought leaves Castiel's mind._ _ _

___He arches against Dean, dropping his head back into his pillow as fingertips skirt down his side, sliding around his cheeks and pressing between them. Cas pulls away for a moment, reaching for the drawer in the bedside table, and Dean tugs him back up the second he moves back toward the bed, sliding his free hands into his hair. He kisses him desperately, pressing his hips up to grind against Castiel._ _ _

___"God you're perfect," he mumbles, releasing his hold and lying Cas back against the bed only when Castiel presses the bottle of lube into his hand. He pushes up, shoving the blankets toward the end of the bed, and sits back on his heels, looking down on Cas softly._ _ _

___Cas looks back at him, letting his gaze linger on Dean's lips, before moving down over the planes of his stomach and down to his hips. A low moan escapes his throat as his focus drifts down - Dean's cock is red and swollen, dripping pre-come as he runs a hand up his thigh. Cas flicks his gaze back up to Dean and pushes himself up to his knees, shifting closer to the man, and curling his hand loosely around Dean's length._ _ _

___" _Cas_ ," Dean breathes, and when Castiel glances up, Dean's eyes are soft, and he can't help leaning in to kiss him, his fingers pulling lightly at Dean's cock, his own neglected erection pressed firmly into Dean's thigh. "You have no idea how much I've wanted this," Dean sighs, his lips brushing against Cas', "how much I've wanted you."_ _ _

___"I think I do," Cas hums, closing his eyes, and before he can continue, Dean's kissing him again, cupping his head with one hand as his lips move against his own. He can't help but slide a hand over Dean's cheek, rubbing his thumb in gentle circles as he kisses him because this is everything he's wanted for the past three years, everything he's been missing, and he is so in love with this man in front of him that it's almost suffocating. He sighs into Dean's mouth, and a hand slides up his thigh and back around to cup his ass, squeezing gently. When Dean's fingers press between his cheeks, Cas breaks the kiss, letting out a shaky breath as he bites down on his lip. Dean slides his thumb over Cas' lip, pulling it out from between his teeth and kissing it softly._ _ _

___"I'm gonna take care of you," he promises, "gonna make it good for you." He pushes in further and Cas arches against him, wrapping his arm around Dean's neck and stroking him harder. Dean pulls out, sliding the pad of his finger over Cas' rim, and breathing against his lips. Cas breaks away and presses his face into Dean's shoulder, pressing soft kisses into his skin._ _ _

___There's a bit of shuffling as Dean opens the bottle and squirts lube into his hand, but then he's pulling Cas back into his lap, and slipping back into him, and Cas just rocks against him, his breathy moans swallowed up as Dean's lips find his again. When Dean pushes in all the way, Cas rises up, his fingers curling into Dean's hair._ _ _

___" _Shit_ ," he breathes. _ _ _

___"Did I hurt you?" Dean asks, his eyes anxious as he pulls back._ _ _

___"No," Cas catches his lips in a chaste kiss, and bumps his head against Dean's, "it's good. Don't stop." He kisses Dean encouragingly and eases himself back onto his finger._ _ _

___Dean's gentle, too careful, and Cas encourages him through it, pushing onto him harder than necessary and nipping at his neck and shoulder as Dean presses a second and third finger into him. When Dean presses against his prostate, Cas cries out and presses himself against Dean's chest._ _ _

___" _Fuck, like that_ -" when he tilts back to look at him, Dean is gaping, and his eyes are so dark with lust that the green is practically gone. He thrusts in again, holding Cas' gaze, and Cas lets out a long whine, his fingers pressing hard into the back of Dean's neck. _ _ _

___"Cas-"_ _ _

___Castiel cuts him off with a bruising kiss, wrapping both arms around his neck, "please," he breathes, "fuck me."_ _ _

___Dean lays him back against the bed, kissing his mouth and down to his chest. When he moves back up, he rolls his hips, against Cas', and Cas groans, swinging a leg up around Dean's waist. He tugs Dean flush against his chest, running his hands through his hair, and kissing his neck. Dean slides one hand up through his hair, and readjusts himself so the head of his cock is pressing against Cas' rim, pushing his hips forward slowly. His other hand runs along the underside of Cas' thigh as he breaches him, biting down on his bottom lip to keep steady. Cas' breath is quick and shaky as Dean presses into him, and the stretch is uncomfortable at first, but Dean is gentle, and after a second he relaxes, and the discomfort passes._ _ _

___"You good?" Dean asks, and Cas just nods before kissing him._ _ _

___"It's good," Cas breathes, "'s really good." He lifts his hips as Dean presses in again, his hands sliding up to hold the back of Dean's head. When he slides in completely, Dean stills, circling his hips and rising up to run his hands up Cas' chest, and back down to hold his hips as he pulls back and slides into him again. They both groan with the first thrust, and Cas wraps his legs tight around Dean's waist, pushing himself back onto Dean's cock._ _ _

___It's been a long time since he's felt this closeness, this fullness, and fuck, he's missed it. Dean feels amazing above him, all skin against skin, and fucking into him with torturously long, slow strokes, that draw shuddering gasps from Cas' lips. He presses closer, holding Dean against him kissing his chest, refusing to let him go. They stay tangled together as Dean rolls onto his side, speeding up with every thrust. He slides one hand up to cup Cas' jaw, kissing him softly, then moving down to nip at the sensitive skin of his throat._ _ _

___"Oh fuck, baby," he groans, " _fuck_." He slips one hand around Cas' length, jacking him in time with his own thrusts, and Cas thrusts forward into his fist, moaning Dean's name. _ _ _

___"Yes," he breathes, pumping his hips harder as Dean rubs his thumb over the head of his cock, and runs down, slipping underneath to gently squeeze his balls._ _ _

___" _Fuck_ ," Cas whines, biting down hard on Dean's bottom lip, "don't stop, Dean- don't-" he drops his chin forward as Dean massages his balls, alternating between rolling them between his fingers and squeezing with just enough pressure that Cas is sure he's going to lose his mind. For someone who's never been with a man, Dean certainly picks up quickly. _ _ _

___Dean leans in, pressing wet kisses into Cas' chest, and his hand slips up again, running his fingertips up over the head of his cock repeatedly as Cas whines, his hips thrusting shallowly with each touch. It's all too much, and he's embarrassingly close to coming already, pressing his hips up until the head of his cock bumps against Dean's palm, sliding against the already slick skin._ _ _

___" _Dean_ ," he warns, tipping his head to press his nose against Dean's, "I'm gonna come."_ _ _

___"Come on, baby," Dean breathes, fucking into him quickly, "come for me." His fingers continue to work up Cas' length, pushing him closer and closer to the edge, and when Dean thrusts hard, hitting Cas' prostate, he tips over with a silent cry. He thrusts into Dean's hand, gripping hard at his shoulders as he shoots his release between them. He's trembling, riding out the intensity of his orgasm, as Dean rolls him onto his back, kissing him desperately and jacking him slowly._ _ _

___"You're fuckin' gorgeous baby," Dean mumbles, kissing his lips and jaw clumsily, "so hot, so perfect-" he buries his face in Cas' neck, running his hands up and down Cas' chest. He moves to pull out, but Cas stops him, with gentle hands on his face._ _ _

___"Don't," he sighs, "I want you to come inside me."_ _ _

___Dean pauses for a brief moment, meeting Cas' gaze before releasing Cas' cock and sliding both hands up his chest, leaning low over him. He hitches one of Cas' legs over his hip and rocks forward hard, groaning as he fucks him, one arm holding Cas' leg up. Dean drives into him hard, and Cas holds his head, kissing him deeply and rocking with him. He groans when Dean's thrusts stutter, and curls his fingers around his own cock, stroking himself lazily as Dean grinds against him, his head pressed into the bed next to Cas' head._ _ _

___" _Cas_ ," he mumbles, "ngh- Cas," he tilts his head, biting down on Cas' shoulder as he thrusts in once more and comes hard, his hips still rolling gently as he collapses against Cas' chest panting. Cas strokes his hair and runs a hand down his back until Dean's breathing evens out, and he rolls back onto the mattress. _ _ _

___He tilts his head and Cas turns to look at him, his lips lifting in a soft smile, "hey," he breathes._ _ _

___"Hey," Dean echoes, leaning in to kiss him, "you're amazing." Cas ducks his chin and wrinkles his nose, but Dean moves in closer and wraps an arm around his hips, "you are."_ _ _

___"You too," Cas breathes, turning to lean over Dean, and then they're kissing again, and Dean's hand comes up, twining his fingers between Cas'._ _ _

___"Are you still mad at me?" he asks breathlessly._ _ _

___Cas chuckles, flopping onto his back, "maybe a little. We'll see how things go in the morning." He turns his head just as Dean leans in to kiss him, and wraps an arm around his waist, pulling him in. He falls asleep with his nose pressed into Dean's chest, the blankets hauled up messily over them._ _ _

___Cas sleeps soundly, happy and warm tucked up against Dean's chest, but when he wakes up, he's alone, and the covers that haven't fallen off the bed are tangled around his ankles. It's cold. He almost thinks that last night was a dream, something cooked up by his imagination to ease the pain of losing Dean outright, but then he realizes he's naked, and the sore muscles and faint discomfort are anything but a dream. Grudgingly, he pushes himself up._ _ _

___There's an insistent buzzing in his mind that reminds him none-too-subtly that he was with Dean last night, and now he's alone, and where the hell is Dean now. He doesn't want to think about it - Dean probably realized he was making a mistake, and left - so he throws on one of the shirts lying on the ground. Dean's, as it turns out, and Castiel decides that he's going to keep it – he’s already had it for months, and Dean left it there, he can just pretend he never found it. It's soft, and it smells like him now, and Cas can't help but replay everything Dean did last night, everything he said, and he can't help but cross his arms over his chest, pressing the shirt protectively against his skin._ _ _

___There's a crash from the living room, and Cas is out the bedroom door before he realizes he's not wearing pants. Instead of an intruder or some stray cat - it wouldn't be the first time one managed to get in - it's Dean he finds standing awkwardly between the couch and the coffee table, holding up a fork with oven mitts on both hands._ _ _

___"What are you doing?" Cas asks dumbly, his mind racing to catch up with the current events._ _ _

___"I uh, I made breakfast. I was hoping I'd get back to bed before you woke up, but I had to run out and buy bacon because the stuff you had in your fridge was pretty awful."_ _ _

___"You made breakfast?"_ _ _

___"Yeah," Dean says slowly, the confidence in his tone wavering as he meets Cas' gaze._ _ _

___"I thought you'd gone," Cas says quietly, and Dean sinks to his knees on the couch, pulling off his oven mitts and gesturing for Cas to come closer._ _ _

___"C'mere," he breathes, holding out one hand to Cas. Castiel takes it, curling his fingers around Dean's to assure himself that this is real. Dean tugs him in close, sliding his arms around Cas' waist and pressing his hands up his back. "I told you I wasn't gonna leave," he leans up to catch Cas' mouth in a soft kiss, and when he pulls away, sitting back on his heels Castiel realizes he's wearing one of Cas’ shirts._ _ _

___"Hey," Dean hums, "why don't you go put some pants on, and I'll have all this sorted out by the time you come back okay?" Castiel nods mutely, returning to his room to drop onto the bed. He drops his head into his hands, breathing slowly. He feels like he's about to cry, every one of his nerves completely shot. How could he think Dean would leave him? Especially when he was setting up this? There were candles on the table, and he's pretty sure season one of Lost was sitting there too, and he doesn't even know how to begin to thank Dean._ _ _

___Tugging on the first pair of pants he finds, he marches back into the living room, grabbing Dean's face and kissing him fiercely before Dean has a chance to realize what's happening._ _ _

___"Thank you," he breathes, curling his arms tightly around Dean's neck, "I love you." Dean smiles and leans in, kissing him slow and sweet, letting himself get distracted for a good few minutes before he pulls away._ _ _

___"Go sit down, babe. Lost is already in the laptop if you wanna get the first episode started."_ _ _

___"Okay," Cas hums, dragging himself slowly away from Dean's lips, "do you want to grab a blanket when you sit down?" Dean nods as he returns to the kitchen, delivering two heaping platefuls of food before returning with a blanket that he promptly pulls over Cas' head and kisses him under._ _ _

___"So I figure if we don't leave the house for the next two weeks straight, we can finish the show."_ _ _

___"I have school, Dean," Cas chuckles, already leaning in to kiss him again._ _ _

___"You can skip it," Dean teases, pecking Cas' temple, "you're smart, you can catch up." Cas swats at him, pushing him away, but Dean just grins and pulls Cas down the couch by his hips, straddling his knees._ _ _

___" _Dean_."_ _ _

___"Mm?" Dean hums._ _ _

___"Get off me," Cas grins._ _ _

___"I don't think so," Dean dips, kissing his nose, "we have three months to make up for."_ _ _


End file.
